


Let’s See

by Acexual_Attorney



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Everyone Is Gay, Ill beta read it later, Lots of Crying, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, coming to terms with feelings, man i just love ‘00 line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 21:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12517484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acexual_Attorney/pseuds/Acexual_Attorney
Summary: Jaemin claims it begins with Donghyuck, but the others would argue that Jaemin was the instigator.Or, everyone has a crush on each other and it takes a while to figure that out.





	Let’s See

**Author's Note:**

> I fucking,,,, spent 5ever on this,,,,,, ive always wanted to write a semi serious ‘00 line fic and boy howdy is it here
> 
> Also it starts predebut about a month before chewing gum and goes from there lol i have no concept of time

To say that they were comfortable around each other would be a drastic understatement. Renjun can count the number of times he’s almost seen Donghyuck’s dick this past week alone on both hands.

It was especially bad in the summer months, when they were reminded that they didn’t have an air conditioner and it was way too hot to think about moving for fear of melting straight through the floor. Their floorboards were warping from the heat, something Jisung pointed out every time he tripped over one, but no one really had the heart or energy to tell the manager, who was no doubt dealing with enough complaints from the 127 dorm.

“Do you think that, like, we could put ice on the floor? Would that fix it?” Jaemin asked even though he didn’t seem to mind the planks of wood pressing against each other at awkward angles seeing as he was currently laying on the floor, shirt discarded long ago in favor of feeling the sticky air on his skin instead of the fabric uncomfortably being plastered to his chest. A lone drop of sweat rolled down from his hairline and into his eyes, where he lazily blinked it away.

“Water warps wood, too,” Jeno calls from his own position on the floor, claiming that the wood was cooler than the couch, where Renjun was currently dying.

Jaemin groaned, Jeno’s words completely destroying whatever plot he had cooking in his heat delirious head.

“I just want to be submerged in ice,” he lamented. He huffed out a gust of air in frustration and rolled over, showing the lines of his back instead of the smooth expanse of his stomach.

Renjun poked at his back with his foot to get him to stop whining, but soon laid his feet on the flat of Jaemin’s back, which was cool from the wood being pressed against it for so long. Jaemin just whined again at the touch, saying that Renjun’s feet were too hot and smelly.

“We could buy a kiddie pool,” Renjun mused, ignoring Jaemin’s useless swats at his legs, “How much do they cost?”

Jaemin sighed in defeat and let Renjun dig his heels into the small of his back. “Probably more that 20,000 won,” he said, letting his face sink into the floor and sighing at the slightly cool temperature.

Jeno groaned but nodded in agreement. “We couldn’t afford one,” he sighed, “I would be cheaper to just fill the bathtub with ice water and take a bath.”

“I’m down if you are,” Jaemin said. He was serious, they could tell from how desperately he was fanning himself with his hand, but they wouldn’t take him up on the offer. Mainly because their ice machine broke last Thursday and they were left to drink room temperature water.

Light beeps came from the dorm door, signaling that someone was putting in the passcode, soon followed by the doorknob jiggling slightly. Renjun tilted his head back to see who it was and Jaemin peered around the couch. Jeno simply laid there, too lazy to sit up and, honestly, if he tried, he would have to peel himself off the floor since he had been laying down for way too long.

Donghyuck flung the door open, Chenle trailing closely behind him, both of them had their hands hidden behind their backs. “Guess what I fucking got,” he grinned, voice loud and piercing the heat-heavy air.

“Please tell me you brought ice,” was Jaemin’s only greeting.

“One better,” Donghyuck said and brought his hands out into the open, revealing two ice cream cones. Chenle did the same and revealed four popsicles.

Jaemin broke his legarthic attitude so he could practically jump up and hug Donghyuck. The hug was so forceful, he almost dropped the ice cream cones, but was able to hold onto them long enough for Jaemin to pull back and put his hands on the older’s shoulders, tears (or sweat) in his eyes.

“Donghyuckie, I could kiss you right now,” he said and snatched the ice cream out of Donghyuck’s hand. Instead of eating it, he simply pressed the bottom of the cone to his cheek and sighed in relief.

Renjun and Jeno got their popsicles a lot less emotionally than Jaemin, Chenle just chucking them at the boys before padding off to the back of the dorms to give Jisung his popsicle. Jeno almost got a black eye, but was able to swat the projectile to the floor before it hit his cornea, Renjun laughing at his scandalized expression.

Jaemin’s ice cream was melting, dripping down the cone and leaving a pink trail against his forehead. Donghyuck laughed at the sticky smudge getting in his hair and gently wiped it away before Jaemin could make a bigger mess.

It may have been the heat or his sudden exposure to the cold, but Jaemin’s cheeks were a faint red and his smile faltered just slightly. His breathing picked up just enough that someone would notice if they were paying close attention and his gaze flickered across Donghyuck’s face before falling to the ground. His smile came back less than a moment later, hand coming up to knock Donghyuck’s hand away in mock annoyance, but there was something off in his eyes, like he was hiding something.

If Renjun and Jeno noticed, they didn’t say anything.

 

* * *

 

The first time Jeno ever saw anyone cry was when he was six and his mom got news of a family member dying. That week was filled with a lot of crying, if Jeno really tried to remember, even if he himself didn’t know his great uncle that well. He was a sympathetic crier.

The second time was when he was twelve and auditioned for SM. He found a kid that didn’t make the cut sobbing in the bathroom, worrying about how her parents would see her and what her future would entail when she couldn’t accomplish her dream, even if she was only fourteen. Jeno’s heart hurt seeing someone so sad, so he tried to comfort the kid as much as he could. They didn’t stay in contact, but thinking back on it, Jeno wonders if she’s okay, if she made it somewhere else, somewhere that would appreciate her talent.

This- this was different, though. Jaemin didn’t cry often. He didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like Renjun or tear up at sad movies like Donghyuck. The only times Jeno knew that Jaemin cried was when he was under a significant amount of stress, like when they were filming Mickey Mouse Club or getting ready to debut, and even then, he kept it under lock and key.

Of course, finally debuting was stressful, Jeno could feel the weight SM was putting on them to be successful practically 24/7, but he didn’t realize it was getting to Jaemin this bad. Jaemin tried to hide it, Jeno could give him that, but there wasn’t a lot for the younger to do when Jeno found him in their closet with wet cheeks and red eyes.

“Holy shit, man, are you okay?” In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the best thing for Jeno to blurt out in surprise, but it made Jaemin laugh, so it had to count for something.

Jaemin wiped at his face with the sleeve of his shirt and sighed. “Yeah it’s just-“ he gulped and pulled his wet sleeves over his hands- “I’m just a bit overwhelmed right now, I guess.”

Even though he was caught practically bawling his eyes out, Jaemin handled it pretty well, voice only slightly shaken and eyes downcast just enough so that the average passerby wouldn’t question it.

But, Jeno wasn’t an average passerby, so he sat down right next to Jaemin in the closet and pulled the door closed for privacy. They were plunged into darkness, but Jeno could feel Jaemin’s body heat and hear him trying to muffle his own sniffles.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Jeno asked.

He heard Jaemin choke up a little, tears getting caught in his throat, and Jeno almost started crying, too. He held it in, though, and waited for Jaemin to respond. The silence was eating at him, especially since they were just sitting there in the dark, but Jeno knew how much it meant for Jaemin to collect himself again. It didn’t take him long, thank goodness for Jeno’s sanity, he wasn’t sure how much of his own worry about Jaemin could naw at him before he disappeared forever.

“I don’t know,” Jaemin finally sighed. There was some rustling sound of movement and then he grabbed onto Jeno’s hand. Jeno turned his own hand over so he could hold Jaemin's, giving it a light squeeze in what was supposed to be reassurance.

“Everything’s just been a bit too much lately, ya know?” He sounded tired. Jeno didn’t blame him, they’ve all gotten around an average of three hours of sleep these past few days and they only debuted a week ago. It was exhausting, but they would be lying if they said they hated it. “Debuting is nice, it’s just really a lot to handle, especially since I’m dealing with some shit right now.”

“Have you tried talking to Mark hyung or Donghyuck?” Jeno suggested when Jaemin didn’t continue. “They’ve already debuted, they might have some pointers on how to relieve stress and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind being a shoulder to lean on.”

Jaemin laughed with a hint of bitterness. There was a light thudding sound which must have been Jaemin hitting his head against the back wall of the closet.

“Are you kidding?” He asked. “I don’t think Mark hyung’ll be able to help me. He’s got enough on his plate already.”

“What about Donghyuckie?”

There was more silence and Jeno didn’t know where he went wrong to make the atmosphere so awkward.

Then, quietly, Jaemin said, “I’ll ask him later. You should go find the manager and see what we’re having for dinner.”

Jeno got the message and quickly stood up. He didn’t want Jaemin to feel any more awkward than he had to be. He dug his fingers into the crack of the door to slide it open, but before he left, he turned back to Jaemin.

The light from their room casted a thin rectangle onto Jaemin so Jeno could see his watery eyes, a few stray tears leaking down his face. His cheeks and ears were red, Jeno assumed from crying. He looked up at Jeno with tired eyes that were begging Jeno of something, but Jeno wasn’t exactly sure of what. All Jeno knew was that the scene made his heart skip a beat.

He wanted to comfort Jaemin, hug him close and make him feel better, but he also knew Jaemin needed his space, so with a final confirming look to make sure there was nothing else Jaemin wanted, he closed the closet door. He waited a few moments, standing in the middle of their room and trying to listen, but Jaemin didn’t call him back and he didn’t hear any more sobs, so with a slightly heavy heart, he left their room, hoping Jaemin would get to feeling better.

 

* * *

 

  
They all knew that Jaemin had back problems. He’s had them since he was a trainee, but any time the members asked questions, he blew them off with a shrug and wave of the hand. It eventually became a normal part of dance practice- Jaemin taking periodic breaks just slightly longer than everyone else’s. The most he ever did was put ice on his back, taking up the entire couch in the dorm and kicking anyone away that tried to sit near just to be an ass.

They all knew he had back problems, but they didn’t know it was this bad.

So, when Jaemin had to go back home for surgery and to recover- not knowing when he would ever get back because, even though the recovery period was only supposed to last three months, SM knew the company had a bad wrap when it came to the well being of their artists, so he would probably play it as safe as possible with a minor, possibly keeping Jaemin away for half a year- they were sad to say the least. (Renjun knew Jeno and Jaemin were close, but he didn’t expect quiet sniffles coming from Jeno’s bed the first night Jaemin was gone. He wanted to comfort Jeno, but he didn’t know how, so he laid in bed, heart pumping so loudly he was scared Jeno might hear him, until the broken breathing evened out to soft snores.)

Donghyuck didn’t have a lot of time to mourn. He was preparing for a comeback with 127, so he and Mark were more often than not found in the training room with the other hyungs to learn the new choreography. With only four people in the Dream dorm at one time, it felt a little bit empty.

Renjun wanted to cry. He didn’t know why, but everything felt like a bit too much at the moment because one second Jaemin was there and now he was gone, the only proof of him being there was the occasional texts from his mom updating them about his condition because Jaemin was too weak at the moment to even look at his phone. It was stupid, but it made Renjun feel hopeless because he couldn’t imagine NCT Dream without Jaemin, even though he knew they would have to do the next comeback without him.

His chest hurt.

He didn’t realize he actually started crying until a gentle hand crept into his hair. He would be lying if he said he didn’t jump, hands quickly hurrying to wipe up hot tears and the snot making his breathing louder than it should be. The only light was from the pale moon leaking in through the blinds, but Renjun knew it was Jeno. It had to be unless one of the maknaes snuck into their room.

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing Renjun could say, voice strained and muffled from behind his hand and just a hair's breadth away from breaking.

“It’s okay, I understand.” Jeno’s voice was impossibly quiet, like he was scared of being too loud- of breaking the surreal calmness created by the winter wind blowing outside and the faint sounds of Seoul traffic.

Renjun could still hear the tears in Jeno’s voice. It made him want to cry more.

He sat up and Jeno let his hand fall out of his hair where it had tried to calm Renjun down by twirling tangled locks. Renjun reached out blindly to find Jeno’s hand still lying limply on his pillow, and when he did, he grabbed onto it. He didn’t know what he wanted Jeno’s hand for, but he wanted to be touched right now, comforted like he was a child freshly awoken from a bad dream and cooed at. He wanted to be told that everything would be alright, but Jeno was in the same boat as him, just as unsure about their future and worried sick about Jaemin.

A thick and sticky knot was forming in Renjun’s throat, so all he did was grip Jeno's hand harder, hoping to convey some kind of message that he himself wasn’t exactly sure of.

It was quiet for a while, the only sounds coming from outside. Renjun was still holding onto Jeno’s hand like it was the only thing to comfort him, but Jeno shifted just enough so that he could grab onto Renjun’s hand as well.

They lost time sitting there, but the silence was finally broken by Jeno taking a shaky breath and asking, “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

He sounded like a toddler asking his parents to make sure there weren’t any monsters under the bed, tears so close to breaking the surface, but the tension was holding them fast. Renjun couldn’t find it in himself to answer, voice refusing to work, so he just scooted over as far as he could.

Jeno got the message and quickly got into bed next to Renjun, crawling under the covers and curling up into Renjun’s side. His body was cold from being in the open room for so long, but Renjun didn’t have it in himself to push Jeno away, especially with how his chest was rising and falling in an attempt to calm himself down.

After a while, after both of them were calm again and the bed was no longer cold from Jeno’s intrusion, Renjun finally found his voice enough to say, “I don’t like being alone either.”

Jeno didn’t reply. He just nodded his head slightly and tightened his grip on Renjun’s hand.

Renjun didn’t know when either of them fell asleep, but he woke up to his alarm blaring in his ear, and in a half-asleep moment of panic, he fumbled to find his phone under his pillow. He was too late by the time he turned the alarm off because Jeno was already starting to move beside him, mumbling blearily about how early it was. Jeno rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with one hand and tried to stifle a yawn with his other, blinking tiredly up at Renjun.

Renjun felt something deep in his gut drop even lower, like a heavy stone suddenly decided to take residence in his pelvis, crushing his small intestine and making his throat dry. There were still dry streaks of tears covering Jeno’s cheeks and his eyes were rimmed with red from the night before, and Renjun was sure he looked just as bad.

“Sorry,” Renjun whispered, partially to not wake the maknaes in the next room and partially because he didn’t want to break the quiet of the morning. “I forgot I set my alarm. You can go back to sleep and I’ll wake you up after I shower.”

They had a meeting in three hours, probably to discuss their upcoming comeback currently scheduled for mid-March, and someone had to shower first, so Renjun bit the bullet and offered himself. Usually Jeno didn’t wake up when his alarm went off, but then again, Jeno wasn’t usually right on top of Renjun’s alarm.

Jeno shook his head and sat up all the way. He still looked half asleep and ran a hand through his bedhead. The stone in Renjun’s pelvis felt like it hit the floor and he had to swallow spit so he wouldn’t cry out about how unfair it was that Jeno looked so handsome so early in the morning.

“Nah,” Jeno yawned, “There’s no point in going back to sleep if I gotta shower in, like, thirty minutes.”

Renjun didn’t know what to say, so he just nodded and got out of bed. Even though Jeno said he wasn’t going to go back to sleep, he was already starting to slouch and his eyes were closed. Seeing Jeno so peaceful, hair mussed and bags under his eyes and breathing slow and just radiating a combination of tiredness and relaxation- it made Renjun feel weird.

He didn’t know how to word it, so he just gently closed the door behind himself and hoped the squishy feelings whirling in his stomach wouldn’t come up in the form of vomit.

 

* * *

 

“Get the fuck up you piece of shit you’ll never guess who’s fucking visiting!”

Jeno woke up with a heart attack and getting the breath knocked out of him by Donghyuck bouncing onto his chest. Donghyuck was looking at him with wide, excited eyes and a smile that looked like it was about to break right off of his face.

“Dude, what the fuck,” Jeno groaned and tried to shove Donghyuck’s face out of his own.

Donghyuck puffed up his cheeks and blew a raspberry into Jeno’s fingers. Jeno jerked away and tried to shake the spit off his hand.

“Why are you up so early?” Jeno asked, slouching back down into his bed and pulling his cover up to his chin to show that he would like to go back to sleep.

Donghyuck just shrugged and laid down next to Jeno, clinging onto his arm through the blanket. “We had to pre record a performance this morning and then we went to an interview. And it’s only 8:30, so there’d be no point in falling back asleep,” he said, voice slightly muffled from where the side of his face was laying against Jeno’s shoulder.

It was quiet for a second, and then Donghyuck was once again in Jeno’s face, eyes wide and smile wider.

“You’ll never guess who’s visiting, though,” he said, excitement making his eyes sparkle and Jeno wanted to smoosh Donghyuck’s cheeks and maybe kiss hi- no, stop that line of thought right there..

“Who’s visiting?” Jeno finally relented instead of giving into his urge to take Donghyuck’s face into both hands and coo at him like a small animal because of how cute he was when he was this hyper.

Donghyuck sat up, chest swelling in pride and the deep breath he was taking just to build suspension. He held up a finger, smile smug and eyes still sparkling down at Jeno.

“Na Jaemin.”

Jeno was speechless, to say the least. He gaped up at Donghyuck, shock apparent in his slacked face, until the realization hit him.

The next thing Donghyuck knew, Jeno was hugging him. Laughter was bubbling out of Jeno’s mouth, making Donghyuck giggle as well. Jeno gripped the back of Donghyuck’s shirt out of pure joy, emotions overflowing in the form of how tightly he was holding onto the younger.

Even after he got over his initial reaction of overwhelming happiness, he didn’t let go of Donghyuck because- well, he didn’t really know why himself, but he felt content like that. Donghyuck smelled nice, too, probably from the body spray the coordi noonas and hyungs sprayed so their workspace wouldn’t smell like sweaty teenage boys. And Donghyuck was warm and Jeno was tired and Jeno could absolutely see himself falling asleep in Donghyuck’s arms.

It took a bit for Jeno to peel himself away from Donghyuck, his smile now rivaling the younger’s. He wanted to cry because it had been so long since they’d seen Jaemin- three months bordering on four without his smile and laughter and presence- and Jeno knew all of them couldn’t wait to pour affection on him in the form of teasing and light-hearted rough housing.

“Do the others know already?” Jeno asked.

Donghyuck nodded fervently. “Mark told Jisung and Chenle and I already told Renjun.”

Jeno’s head thumped against Donghyuck’s chest. He couldn’t describe how he felt with words. He wanted to cry from how happy he was and his chest felt like it was going to explode from how excited he was and he wanted to run and jump around the room and at the same time go back to sleep because this much emotional exercise this early in the morning just exhausting and- okay, yeah, there’s the tears.

“Come on, man! Renjun already cried when I told him I don’t need more tear stains on my shirt,” Donghyuck complained but didn’t pull away from Jeno. He laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, but that was it. Jeno kind of wanted to hug him again.

Jeno finally pulled back once and for all, tears lining his stretched cheeks and smile so bright it just might blind Donghyuck. “When’s he coming?” Jeno asked, voice just a little bit strained from crying.

“Friday,” Donghyuck said, “He’ll spend the weekend with us before going back home to rest some more.”

“We’re going to beat the shit out of him,” Jeno decided, nodding in approval at his own words and he tried to wipe away the tears.

“You bet your ass we are,” Donghyuck agreed and rolled off Jeno, holding out a hand to help him out of bed. “But first you and Renjun gotta clean your room it looks like a goddamn pigsty.”

 

* * *

 

Renjun heard Jaemin’s arrival more than he saw it. He heard the door open, the manager calling out about his arrival, followed by the distinct sound of pounding footsteps and a person being tackled in a Jeno-hug. As soon as Jaemin’s laughter rang through the dorm, more footsteps were heard as Donghyuck (who was staying in the dream dorm for now just to spend more time with Jaemin) practically ran to the front hall.

More laughter and Renjun didn’t know if he wanted to join them or run away. Something sickly twisted in his gut and he didn’t know why. He knew Jaemin, but they weren’t that close, not close like Donghyuck and Jeno were with him. He wanted to see Jaemin, wanted to hug him and tell him how much he missed him, but something didn’t feel right. Renjun shrugged it off and walked from the living room to the front hall.

Jaemin was practically buried under Jeno and Donghyuck hugging the life out of him. Chenle and Jisung were kindly waiting their turn to torture their hyung, yelling their greetings from the sidelines. Renjun was sure that when Mark got back from High School Rapper, he would do the exact same thing to Jaemin too.

All of them- Jaemin, Donghyuck, and Jeno- seemed so happy in that moment. All of them were smiling, grins so wide their cheeks might break. Jaemin was still laughing the loudest, but Renjun could hear low hints of Donghyuck and Jeno’s laughter. Jeno was practically carrying Jaemin, both arms wrapped around the younger’s waist in a tight hug, and Donghyuck was doing the same, but doing a lot less of the lifting. Jaemin had one arm around each of them, hands buried either in their shirts or hair in an attempt to not fall over.

The scene made Renjun feel sick. He didn’t know how to explain it. Seeing them so touchy and together and happy- it hurt him. He felt out of place, especially since he knew they were closer to each other than he was to each of them. He wanted to be part of it, to be in the circle and lifting Jaemin off the ground and telling Jaemin how much he missed him, but he didn’t want to seem selfish.

Jaemin was finally able to escape from Donghyuck and Jeno, stumbling forward and almost crashing into Chenle and Jisung, who were quick into trapping him into another death hug. Theirs was a lot more short-lived and Jaemin was able to break free a lot more easily. He quickly moved from the maknaes to Renjun and Renjun felt a defined lump form in his throat.

“Dude, it’s been so long,” Jaemin grinned as he pulled Renjun in for a hug. His voice was deeper and he looked more healthy compared to the picture Jaemin’s mom sent two months ago.

Renjun may or may not have melted into the hug just a tiny bit.

Distance made Renjun overthink and overanalyze and made him imagine malice behind all of Jaemin’s actions, but finally seeing him in person after so long made Renjun’s view snap back into focus. Jaemin was just as warm as when he hugged Renjun before and his voice held just as much sweetness.

“Hey, dude are you alright?” Jaemin asked when he pulled away from the hug. “You seem really space-y.”

Renjun blinked at Jaemin in confusion for a moment before shaking his head. “Yeah, sorry. I’m just tired.” It wasn’t a lie, but Renjun didn’t know why he felt like he wasn’t telling the whole truth.

“Well, you’re gonna stay tired because we-” Jaemin gestured between himself, Renjun, Donghyuck, and Jeno, pointedly leaving out the maknaes who, when they realized their absence in Jaemin’s plans, started complaining- “are going to stay up until fuck all in the morning watching movies older than we are and eating junk food that manager hyung will yell at us for.”

“Oh my god that sounds so awesome,” Jeno said in awe over Chenle whining “But I want to watch old movies too!”

At some point during the chaos, their manager left so he wouldn’t have to act like a parent any more than he had to, so there was no one to be the mediator in the brewing argument due to break out between Chenle and Jeno and Donghyuck. Chenle pouted and Jeno and Donghyuck used “logic” (“You’re younger.” “Old movies are scary and you're a pussy.” “Someone has to watch Jisung.” “Let the adult have a date night.” - Renjun’s heart skipped a beat at Donghyuck’s mention of a ‘date night’, but he couldn’t think of any reason why besides having maybe a bit too much caffeine.)

“What movies are we going to watch?” Donghyuck asked after effectively locking Chenle and Jisung in their room so they wouldn’t bother them. The chair propped against the doorknob was started to shake with what was probably Jisung or Chenle ramming against the door in an attempt to open it.

“I got the old _It_ , _Jaws_ , _Nightmare on Elm Street_ , _The Exorcist_ , and _Beetlejuice_ , but the last one is if you guys puss out on me,” Jaemin said as he slipped off his backpack to try and find the movies. “I also convinced my mom to stop by a store on the way here so I have enough popcorn and candy to melt our teeth out of our mouths.”

“I can’t wait to throw up tomorrow,” Jeno said after Jaemin dumped the pile of diabetes onto the kitchen table.

 

* * *

 

 

Of course, Donghyuck already knew he was at least somewhat attracted to guys. He got over the gay scare back in primary school when he kept giving a hyung in the grade above chocolate from his lunches under the guise of “I don’t like chocolate” even though he very much did. Donghyuck just liked seeing his hyung smile when he ate the chocolate. So yeah, a bit more than platonic feelings for guys now and then, but this- having a crush on three people at the same time and kind of wanting to date all of them- that… that was a bit different.

It didn’t help that Renjun was literally sitting right on top of him, feeding him popcorn every so often as _Jaws_ played on the TV. It didn’t help that Jaemin and Jeno were squeezed onto either side of him because their couch was too small, thighs and arms pressing together to the point where it was almost uncomfortable. It didn’t help that whenever the shark appeared, they all got scared and shifted closer together subconsciously.

Past Donghyuck’s own internal dilemma, they were able to get through the movie relatively fine, only slightly shaken as the credits rolled.

“Thank god,” Renjun sighed when he was sure there weren’t any credit scary scenes and flopped over so he was laying across all three of them. “I don’t think I can swim in an ocean for the next month.”

“You better not be swimming in any oceans soon unless you want frostbite,” Jaemin said, briefly breaking Renjun’s neck so he could get up to prepare the next movie and put in more popcorn.

Renjun’s eyes followed Jaemin’s saunter into the kitchen with a look Donghyuck couldn’t exactly place. If really put his finger on it, he would have caught the slight sadness with twinges of confusion, followed by brief glances at Donghyuck and Jeno once Jaemin was out of sight, but in the heat of the moment, Donghyuck named the look fear.

“Is our Renjunnie scared?” Donghyuck wiggled his fingers at Renjun, pouting in mock sympathy.

Jeno laughed at Renjun’s offended-look-soon-turned-squeals-of-fear as Donghyuck’s wiggling fingers met his side and started tickling him. It only took a shout of victory for Jeno to join in, pinning down Renjun’s legs so he could tickle his feet. Renjun lashed out, trying to break free from the torture the best he could, but he was having a hard time seeing past the tears in his eyes.

Somehow or another, one of Renjun’s blind attacks got his arm around Donghyuck’s neck, and as soon as he saw his potential advantage, he pulled himself closer to Donghyuck as best as he could. The headlock made it hard to breathe, so Donghyuck had to relent his attacks in order to claw at Renjun’s arm in an attempt to free his airway again. One final kick at Jeno and Renjun had the upper hand, scrambling to get a better hold on Donghyuck’s neck.

“One more move and I’ll snap his neck,” Renjun threatened even though Donghyuck could feel Renjun’s heart beating like a rabbit’s.

“It’s like watching a drama,” Jaemin said in awe from the doorway to the kitchen, refilled bowl of snacks and _It_ in hand.

The light from the kitchen backlit Jaemin so there was a slight glow around his figure. The only real feature Donghyuck could see was Jaemin’s toothy smile glinting in the dim light from the TV. Donghyuck could feel Renjun’s grip loosen and breathing become a bit uneven, and instead of questioning it, he used the distraction to make a final escape attempt.

“Dude!” Renjun yelped and jerked away from Donghyuck, trying to shake the spit off his hand. “Gross!” He sulked off the couch to go wash his hand, giving Donghyuck and Jeno- who were cackling at Renjun’s disgusted expression- the stink eye. Jaemin patted his back with his free hand on Renjun’s way to the kitchen in what was supposed to be comfort.

He came back just as the title screen slide into frame, hopping onto the couch and squeezing his way between Jeno and the arm of the couch, knees tucking up to his chest for maximum protection against Pennywise. He wiped his wet hands on the front of Jeno’s shirt in some sort of retaliation.

(What did I do?” Jeno asked, voice high pitched in surprise and betrayal.

“Enabler,” was all Renjun said before the movie officially started.)

Donghyuck didn’t spend a lot of time looking at the movie. He couldn’t stop glancing at Jeno and Renjun past Jaemin’s slouched figure out of the corner of his eye. Renjun was practically in Jeno’s lap, hiding their faces in each others’ shoulders when something particularly scary happened on screen. Donghyuck never realized how close they got while he was promoting with 127.

It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal considering that Renjun was on top of all of their laps the last movie, but this felt… different. All four of them together acting as one and being so completely comfortable with each other that they could practically finish each other’s sentences- that just felt right. If felt complete and like all the planets were aligned to create a moment of peace and happiness.

Seeing Renjun and Jeno act like- for a lack of a better word- a couple was different, though. It didn’t necessarily feel wrong, but like something was missing. Like they had all but one puzzle piece and the picture wouldn’t be complete until they tore the room apart trying to find that missing piece. Like they entered a different timezone without anyone telling them. It felt off somehow.

Donghyuck didn’t want to be narcissistic, but he felt like the puzzle would be one step closer to being whole if he inserted himself into their cuddling. Not intruding, just an add-on that undisputedly Belonged. And, when Donghyuck really delved into the train of thought he was going down, the picture wouldn’t be finished until Jaemin joined them too. They weren’t whole with only one or two or even three. They had to be four.

It was a strange revelation to come to while children were getting murdered on the TV, but the realization wasn’t as surprising as it should have been to Donghyuck. He should probably talk about it with the rest of them, but Jeno was already passed out and a sleepy Renjun had taken up to clinging to Jaemin, who seemed to be the only one fully awake. Even Donghyuck could feel tiredness creeping up on him from the back of his mind.

He tried to stay awake, but with a stomach full of popcorn and a warm body pressed to his side, he couldn’t help that his eyelids drooped. He felt someone grab onto his hand, whether it be Renjun or Jaemin, he didn’t know, but his eyelids felt too heavy to lift to check.

 

* * *

 

Jaemin heard the door’s keypad beep and click open softly over the gentle music of the rolling credits. The sound of rustling fabric and quiet footsteps and then Mark was in the entryway of the living room, blond hair glowing from the TV’s light, still wearing his outfit from High School Rapper.

“You’re still awake?” he asked, quiet enough to not wake anyone up but just loud enough for Jaemin to hear from across the room.

Jaemin blinked blearily at him before glancing around only to see the others were fast asleep. It made sense. Renjun and Jeno hadn’t moved for about an hour and Donghyuck stopped squeezing his hand about fourty minutes ago.

“Uh, yeah,” Jaemin said, voice slightly croaky. He yawned and rubbed his eye with the hand that wasn’t gripping Donghyuck’s. “I took a nap on the drive here, so I’m only now getting tired.”

After rubbing his face to try and wake up more, he looked back at Mark. “Why’d you come here instead of going to the 127 dorm?”

Mark shrugged and padded over to turn off the TV. “I wanted to see if you were still awake, I guess.”

The living room was plunged into darkness, and it took a few moments for Jaemin’s eyes to adjust. Once he gained back enough vision to see his own hands, he gently lifted Renjun’s legs off his lap and untangled his hand from Donghyuck’s, making sure not to trip over Jeno’s feet as he walked over to Mark. He gave Mark a short hug.

“We’ve missed you,” Mark said.

“I know.” Jaemin gulped. He pulled away from Mark and tried to slow down his own heart from what he was about to ask.

“Actually, while you’re here, could I talk to you for a bit? Like, privately?” he asked.

Apparently Jaemin sounded desperate enough because Mark quickly pulled Jaemin into the kitchen, turning the light on as he went. Jaemin had to blink a few times so he wouldn’t tear up from the harsh light. Mark let Jaemin sit down at the kitchen table while he fixed both of them a glass of water.

“What’s wrong?” Mark asked as he handed Jaemin his cup, sitting down across from him and taking a sip of his own water.

Seeing the bags under Mark’s eyes made Jaemin feel bad. He didn’t want to burden Mark, but he was the hyung he was closest to and trying to seek out Taeyong or Yungho would be more trouble than it’s worth. Plus, Mark had expressed time and time again how he was the Dream leader, which meant he had to take care of his dongsaengs no matter what.

Jaemin took a deep breath and clicked his nails against the glass, trying to muster up the courage. He had to swallow the apprehension clogging his throat before he could get it out.

“Am I a bad person if I like more than one person?”

The question took Mark off guard. His eyes widened and he had to lean back a bit to think through Jaemin’s words.

“Do you mean like as in a crush, or…?” He asked as he leaned back in.

Jaemin bit the inside of his lip, trying to figure out the best way to word his feelings. “I mean like- yeah, a crush I guess, but, I don’t know- more than that? Like, I wanna date three people at the same time. Not cheating! But like, I want all of us to be together, in a relationship, ya know?”

“Okay, I think I get what you’re saying,” Mark nodded slowly. He rubbed at his cheeks in thought, taking a moment to think through his next words.

“Um, I mean, no, you’re not a bad person. Liking someone never makes you a bad person, but- liking multiple people at once isn’t-“ Mark looked up at the ceiling before trying to restart. “Liking more than one person isn’t common, but I don’t see why it would make you a bad person. People should be allowed to like whoever and however many people they want as long as everything is consensual. If you want to feel like you’re not alone in this, I’m sure if you looked it up, you’d find more people like you and I’m always here for you if you want to talk about your crushes.”

Once he got done, he scratched his forehead and glanced around the room before looking back at Jaemin. “Do you mind telling me who the people you like are?”

Well, it’s not like Jaemin had anything to lose.

“It started with Donghyuck.”

It always starts with Donghyuck with most things, whether that be good or bad, but Jaemin first realized he had romantic feelings for Donghyuck while they were filming The Mickey Mouse Club. It was only the first episode and of course Jaemin was friends with Donghyuck before SM ever even thought about filming the show, but doing the show made Jaemin see him in a new light. He greeted the girl cast members and bowed to Leeteuk and Key and was just polite all around. Jaemin had never seen Donghyuck act like such a gentleman, usually he was loud and rough and teasing, and while that was all fine- Jaeming loved the playful side of Donghyuck- seeing him be soft and a little bit shy made a small part of Jaemin’s heart beat faster.

Of course, at the time, Jaemin didn’t know that it was because he had was a crush on Donghyuck. He continued to make Jaemin feel funny on the inside, but it wasn’t until about a month later when he tried to kiss Jaemin jokingly on the cheek and Jaemin almost had a panic attack that he realized “oh shit I think I like one of my friends.”

With Jeno, it happened a lot more slowly. Jeno was the one Jaemin was closest to and they spent a lot of time together, even when they weren’t filming or training. It was common to see them going for a walk or watching videos together when they had the time. Out of every trainee in SM, Jaemin would consider Jeno his best friend.

The problem was, though, that there’s a very thin line separating purely platonic feelings until it borders on romantic. After his scare with Donghyuck, which Jaemin had come to terms with after some time, he became a lot more in tune with his own feelings. When he noticed that he was developing the same symptoms around Jeno that he had around Donghyuck, he knew he was in trouble. Jaemin was fine with having a crush on one friend, but on two? He didn’t know what to do, so instead of telling someone, he bottled it up and tried his best to smile around the butterflies in his tummy.

Then Renjun came along. His Korean was fantastic and he could converse well with a native speaker, but his pronunciation was a bit off, giving his words a slight lilt. He had big doe eyes and black hair that was just a few weeks away from being considered shaggy and a snaggletooth that peeked behind his lips every time he smile and it would be wrong of Jaemin to describe him as anything but cute, even if Renjun was older than him.

Renjun was shy, whether it was because he was in a new land or because he wasn’t fully confident in his ability to speak Korean, but as soon as Chenle arrived, fresh off the boat and absolutely no knowledge of Korean except the alphabet, he slowly crawled out of his shell. Renjun started talking more, probably because he had to translate almost everything for Chenle, but he also started joking around more with the other members.

They were given their debut song with a date in mind and they spent hours trying to get the choreography perfected. Jaemin got accustomed to the hover boards pretty quickly, but Renjun had a few troubles at the start with trying to balance and actually making the thing move without falling. He could have gotten help from anyone, but Jaemin stepped up to the plate and didn’t think twice about putting his hands on Renjun’s waist to try and guide him as best as he could.

Renjun blushed and, when he was finally able to ride the hoverboard without falling on his ass, he bowed and thanked Jaemin, obviously still a bit nervous, but his smile was warm and his eyes were upturned and- fuck, Jaemin kinda wanted to kiss Renjun.

Jaemin just smiled back and told Renjun it was no problem.

They debuted and Jaemin was able to push his emotions to the back of his throat so he wouldn’t barf up any revealing words when they monitored themselves after a performance. Debuting meant spending more time together when they weren’t in school or sleeping, and Jaemin’s feelings grew. He came to terms with the fact that even if none of his crushes recuperated his feelings, he would still be content with being friends, so he said nothing.

While he was recovering, he hoped that his feelings would have diminished some, and in some cases they did. He forgot how much Jeno’s smile made his heart race or how he dreamed of cuddling and kissing Donghyuck or how all he wanted to do some days was to squish Renjun’s face between his hands and pepper his face with butterfly kisses. He forgot how intense his crushes were, but when he got back, he wasn’t expecting to get flooded with his old emotions.

Things were different, of course they were. Jaemin was gone for a good three odd months, so of course things changed. Renjun seemed a bit more awkward than when he left, but joked more and was open to more skinship. Jeno seemed a lot more closer to Renjun and his sense of humor developed, at least a little bit. Donghyuck seemed to have become a bit more humble- he was still loud, but he was more in tune with the emotions of the people around him.

They grew up.

And instead of his feelings withering away because none of them stayed the same, they came back in full force plus some because if he liked them before, he was head over heels now with how much they developed themselves while he was gone.

Mark whistled and leaned back in his chair when Jaemin was done. He breathed in through his teeth and looked around the kitchen awkwardly.

“That’s rough, buddy,” he eventually said.

“I don’t know what to do,” Jaemin lamented, letting his head fall into his hands. He rubbed his fingers against his eyes and cheeks, trying to massage out the horrible stress plaguing his mind.

“You could tell them?”

“Fuck no,” Jaemin scoffed against his palm, almost laughing at how ridiculous the suggestion was.

“At least tell one of them,” Mark tried to bargain.

Jaemin took a deep breath and looked up at Mark. After letting out the feelings he’d kept locked up for a little less than two years, he felt worn out and tired. Mark must have seen how dead Jaemin felt inside, because he didn’t wait for an answer, instead standing up and walking around the table to pat Jaemin’s back.

“How about you sleep on it,” he suggested, voice soft and holding its own tiredness.

Mark’s hand lingered for a second until he left the kitchen, and Jaemin heard one of the doors close. He probably went to Jeno and Renjun’s room since no one was using it.

After taking a moment to himself, Jaemin stood up and walked back into the living room, turning off the kitchen light as he went. Donghyuck, Jeno, and Renjun were still sleeping on the couch, positions barely changed and chests moving lazily in the dim glow from the TV. If Jaemin had better control over himself, he would have joined Mark in one of the unused beds, but thinking about being with the three others made him feel too whole.

He couldn’t help himself slipping back between Donghyuck and Jeno, pulling Renjun’s legs back over himself again. They were warm and, even though his heart had picked up a bit from their proximity, he was able to fall asleep quicker than he was when he was in his own bed at home.

 

  
Jaemin woke up cold with a sore back and stiff neck. He tried shifting into a more comfortable position, but he noticed a significant lacking in three bodies that were cuddling against him last night. Letting out a short huff, knowing that without the warmth of the others, he had no excuse to stay asleep, so he blearily opened his eyes.

Only to be greeted by a blurry blond head less than a centimeter away from his face, scaring the shit out of him.

“Don’t hate me,” Mark said.

Jaemin yawned and tried to scoot back away from Mark so they wouldn’t bump heads. He yawned once more as he sat up and rubbed a lethargic hand over his face. “Why would I hate you?” he asked, tired and confused.

Mark leaned back on his heels and took a sidelong glance at the kitchen. He looked back at Jaemin and took a deep breath like he was going to say something, but instead, he got up from his crouch and sped walked to one of the bedroom doors, not bothering to check who’s it was before he opened it and walked in.

Jaemin could hear a quiet, “Hyung, what the fu-“ before the door was slammed closed and a very audible click from the lock being turned into place. Jaemin just stared at the door in confusion.

He blinked a few more times in attempt to wake himself up until he got the energy to actually get up and investigate why Mark looked at the kitchen with such apprehension. As he got closer, he heard quiet whispers of what sounded like people in rushed conversation.

Oh god, he hoped it wasn’t any of the managers.

He peeked into the kitchen, only to see Jeno, Donghyuck, and Renjun huddled together at the table. Everything looked normal enough, so Jaemin didn’t know why Mark was acting so weir-

Fuck.

The realization of what Mark might have done shocked Jaemin out of his sleepy state. There was no way Mark would have done that, though, right? Mark was trustworthy, he could keep a secret. The only time he didn’t keep a secret was when he thought the secret would be detrimental to the team or the person keeping it.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Whatever Mark hyung told you is a lie.” Well that didn’t sound suspicious at all.

Everyone turned to look at Jaemin. The previous hushed conversation had been murdered by Jaemin’s words and he swears he could hear a pin drop with how soul-sucking the quietness was. Three sets of eyes were boring into his skin and Jaemin just wanted to shed his outer layer so he could sink into the ground and never be seen again.

A thick awkwardness suffocated Jaemin, not only with how quiet it was, but with how they were all looking at him. Jaemin glanced at each of them like a deer caught in the headlights until Donghyuck finally spoke up.

“I like you, too,” he blurted out.

He sucked in a deep breath when he realized what he just said, but he didn’t take back the statement. He looked just as terrified as Jaemin felt, eyes wide and lips pursed.

Jaemin slowly turned to look at Jeno and Renjun. He felt like he was going to be sick with how they were looking at him with disgust- no, not disgust. Their noses weren’t upturned and their eyes didn’t hold any malice. They just looked… scared.

“I think-“ Jeno licked his lips, trying to stall for time- “I think I like you guys as more than friends, too.”

His voice was shaky, like he was mortified by what was coming out of his own mouth, but, like Donghyuck, he didn’t take back his words. Even though he looked like he was about to jump out of his skin, Jeno visibly relaxed from his own confession, like finally putting words to his emotions took their weight off his conscience.

Jaemin’s eyes shifted to Renjun, who’d looked like a leaf shaking in the wind with tears close to breaking past his eyes. With two of his crushes confessing, Jaemin felt significantly less horrified than when he first walked into the room, but seeing Renjun so close to tears brought back those emotions tenfold, but this time it mostly morphed into concern for the older.

“Hyung, you- you don’t have to reciprocate our feelings,” Jaemin’s own shaky voice surprised himself, but he meant his words.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck chimed in, voice just as raw, but carrying the concern of all of them, “It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way as us.”

Renjun looked like he was struggling to form the correct words, tears of frustration or fear clouding his eyes. He gulped down his own cowardice and let his eyes dart around the room, looking for some kind of help.

“I-it’s not that, I just,” he stuttered, pronunciation becoming worse from how emotional he was becoming, “I just, I- I don’t know.”

Jaemin took a half-step forward when he saw a few tears starting to roll down Renjun’s cheek, but he furiously rubbed them away and tried to sit up straighter.

“I- I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, but I know I’ve been feeling weird about you guys for a while an-and I’m not sure if it’s because I like you guys or if I’m jealous or- I don’t know, but thinking about liking you, it… it feels okay.” Renjun struggled to get the words out, but when he finally did, he slouched down in his chair like his mini speech took the breath out of him.

He had to wipe away a few more stray tears before he could look up and around the room at the other three, who were just staring at him in surprise. When he saw their gaze so concentrated, he shied away into himself slightly, but when Donghyuck noticed, he leaned forward, trying to reach out to Renjun both physically and mentally.

“I was confused at first, too,” he said quietly, “It’s weird realizing you like your friends and that you like more than one of them, but you just need to stop holding yourself back. Let go of the fear.”

Even though Jaemin had already come to terms with his own feelings, Donghyuck’s words still shocked him. They made him feel better, strangely enough, not only about himself, but the whole situation in general. If he was reading his context clues correctly, Jaemin definitely wasn’t the only one who struggled with his feelings for a good while.

There was a few beats of silence in which the four of them just stared at each other awkwardly until Renjun said in a small voice, “I’m willing to try if you guys are.”

There were still a few tears hanging off his eyelashes and Jaemin could see that Jeno’s eyes were red from the threat of almost crying and Donghyuck’s eyebrows were pinched together with his own thoughts and- and Jaemin was sure he was wearing his own emotions on his sleeve right now, but he couldn’t help the smile breaking out on his face at Renjun’s words.

Jaemin wasn’t exactly sure what compelled him to cross the two steps it took to reach Renjun and drop down so he could squeeze the life out of him in a hug. He could feel Renjun’s tense for a split second, not expecting the sudden affection, but quickly wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s back, letting his chin rest on Jaemin’s shoulder.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” Jaemin whispered into Renjun’s neck, quiet enough for only the two of them to hear.

All it took was Renjun to slightly nod in affirmation for Jaemin to pull back and place a sweet kiss on Renjun’s cheek, making the both of them blush. Past his red face, Renjun was smiling- embarrassed, but still smiling.

“Wa- no fair! I wanna kiss Renjunnie, too!” Donghyuck cried, surging forward and almost falling on the floor in attempt to get out of his chair and place his own lips against Renjun’s cheek. He missed from how fast he was going, landing on Renjun’s jaw instead, but when he pulled away, he was blushing just as much as the other two.

Jeno stood up a lot more calmly than Donghyuck and reached out to push Renjun’s hair away from his face. He leaned down and gave a short peck to his forehead, cheeks dusted a light pink and smile threatening to crack his lips open. He turned to Jaemin, pretending not to be embarrassed.

“You’re turn,” he said, and a moment later, he was tackled to the ground, Jeno trying to multitask with keeping Jaemin pinned down, tickling him, and peppering his face with kisses.

Peals of laughter rang through the kitchen and all it took was a gasp of “stop” from Jaemin for Donghyuck to drop down right next to the two and start his own smooch attacks against Jaemin.

Watching them, this time with the knowledge of what exactly the name was of the strange emotion that settled in his chest, Renjun felt a lot more content. He smiled at the three fondly before deciding, fucking it, and joined the tickle-slash-kissing pile roughhousing on the kitchen floor.

They could have the boyfriends discussion at a later date. Right now, they were just happy knowing that they weren’t alone in the way they felt.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Can u tell who my bias is? Bc i think its obvious i always do The Most with him lmao
> 
> Ne ways i hoped u liked this piece of shit man it kicked my ass


End file.
